My child got in the car today at pick up complaining of a stomach ache. I watched her as she watched a group of girls walk away, seeing the hurt look on her face, and as she turned back to me she turned on a fake smile. That may have been my perception or it may have been fact. Either way, it is a hard thing for me to see. As a mother, I analyze every twitch, grin, sigh, headache, tummy ache...wondering if there is meaning behind it. Did I see hurt in her face? Or was she just still nursing her sore ankle from this morning. I know that some of the girls made plans and talked about their time together in front of her. That must sting a little. I know that as an adult when I hear friends talk about the dates they've had with each other, I feel a twinge of hurt. Why am I not good enough to be invited? Is there something wrong with me? Is it because of the way I look? I know all these things run through my mind and I have several more years of coping experience than she does. But then, when have I as a mother gone too far in my analysis of her situation? Just like the quote said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, sometimes a stomach ache might just be a stomach ache. She may just be a bit under the weather. I need to learn to ask the essentials and drop it. The more I dwell on it, the worse it will be. I only pray that when the time is right, that she will feel comfortable telling me the hurts and the joys that are in her heart. I want to experience these with her, walk with her during the tough times and jump for joy during happy times.
I just hope that we make it through with our sanity in tact.
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