Don't pity me for eating alone...

I am currently sitting in the midst of the Panera lunch crowd. By myself. This is the deal: I have found that one gets a wide variety of looks when eating alone. Often, there is the "Aw, poor thing has to eat by herself"...to, "I wonder if someone's going to join her. We'd really like that table if she just going to eat alone.". Also the "I could never eat by myself. How pathetic does that look?". But, what I love the most, is the look from other moms(and dads)who come in with their children and look at me with the look of envy. Now let me be clear, I love to go out to eat with others. I love breaking bread, conversing with others and relaxing around a table that I did not have to set...or cook the food to go on it. But on Tuesdays or Thursdays, that time is mine. All children are at school and the schedule is mine to make. I do envy girls I know who make lunch and shopping plans and those kind of reindeer games. But, I rarely get the call. This is fine because I am not an endurance shopper and I am a bit of an introvert. I find it hard to call and make plans when the possibility of rejection looms in the background. Wow...I sound like quite a catch as a lunch date. Panera seems like the obvious place to eat by yourself. Lots of people with their laptops, catching up emails or paperwork over a bagel, a bowl of soup or a cup of coffee. The chances of having a technology free meal seem rather slim. The reason I sometimes like to eat by myself is best chronicled in the book, "In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, " or as many people know it cinematically: A Christmas Story. He said, "My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in over 15 years...". I really can appreciate that statement. This lunch is my one meal during the week this is not interrupted by requests for drinks, extra condiments, gagging from meal choice disapproval...all those things that take you away from your meal and leave it to turn sadly lukewarm upon my return.

Before I get flack as the worst mom ever, please step back. I love my family. I love eating with them, teaching the children proper manners and laughing at the boy when he somehow gets spaghetti sauce in his eyebrows. I find that the family table provides valuable time for us to hear the events of the school day and solve any problems that might be disrupting their lives. I love playing dinner games and laughing at the results. I just need one meal alone to remember that.

My meal is coming to a close and that is fine. Now comes the waiting game before I pick the boy up...and I can't wait.



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