I spoke to a dear friend today about something that falls in the huge mish mash of "Parenting". You know, everyday I talk to God about two things. One, I thank Him for blessing me with these precious heartbeats that share my DNA. Two, I also ask Him to help me get through this parenting thing and to let my grown-ups know how much I appreciate what they went through with me. Okay, three things...we all know I suck at math. Anyway, I had no idea that the hard parenting was so hard. Not long ago, we had an incident that required us to pretty harshly discipline two of our children. Initially I was furious. How many times does this have to happen? How many chances do I give them to take advantage? Then came the lecture. I come from a family that loves to lecture. I remember as a child just praying for an immediate spanking or grounding just to get on with things. Looking back on it, my parents were geniuses!! The torture of sitting and listening and explaining the whole situation was hell...and they hadn't even given a punishment yet. They got very creative with their punishments. When I stole gum from the store, my dad made me go back, apologize and the take a trip to the jail where "little girls who steal gum go". Yeah, I still remember that. When my parents dealt out any kind of punishment, they always said, "This hurts me more than it does you.". As a youngster I thought that was a load of crap. As a parent, I so understand what they meant. I remember when Bishop Swanson spoke at our church on this subject. He said, "What parent would delight in exacting punishment on their child?". And he explained about how when we sin, God takes no delight in the consequences related to our decisions, but He does delight in forgiving us when we ask for it. That really stuck with me. When I have to give out punishments bigger than a time out, it makes me nauseous. Even in my anger, it breaks my heart to see the looks of pain on their faces. Forgiveness is what we all seek or wish to give. When we do tell them they are forgiven, the looks on their faces and the relief in my heart is a wonderful feeling, even if the punishment has yet to be fulfilled. It scares me to know that as they grow, the misdeeds may become more complex and the punishments more painful. But the knowledge that forgiveness is there brings some comfort.
So, for any of you non-parents out there, don't judge parents at punishment time. The agony of causing misery and upset in the very being you helped create is harder than we ever anticipate....and one that we never take lightly. But when our children know that we love them and their slate is wiped clean, just like God wipes ours, it makes that pain worth it.
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