Parking lot rage...it is a reality

Okay, people. I know that compared to a lot of situations going on in the lives of several dear friends of mine, this is but a minor blip on the scale of importance. But because of the weight of these situations, I feel it my duty to provide a little levity and an amusing mental picture.

Today was my boy's first day of Kindergarten, a day I have dreaded for a long time. I knew in my heart he was ready, but I was not mentally ready. At all. I'm proud, I didn't cry when dropping him off, even looking like this:



I mean, come on. Anyway I dropped him off, took S to middle school(don't get me started), went home and passed out for an hour. I missed calls, screwed up my plans for the morning and basically walked around with a nap headache all day. The missing of coffee could have contributed to that.

When I picked the boy up, happy and pizza sauce all over his face, he requested we go to the store and pick up a playground ball off of his teacher's wish list. Oh, here is his happy mug after being helped into the car after his first half day:



Away we went to Target, found a playground ball and decided to take it back to the school. He wanted her to have it immediately. We pulled into our parking area, found a rare spot that had three empty spots in a row. I parked in the middle space, figuring that my SUV had plenty of room. After making the delivery and have the boy make new handprints for his teacher(art project), we exchanged pleasantries with a few people and headed for the car. This what we found:



A luxury smaller SUV had parked next to mine, no crime there. What they did was not obey these things called lines that when two are gathered together make up a, let's say it together friends, "PARK-ING SPACE". Lots of you, well 6 of the 8 readers, have never seen me before. Despite being fairly athletic and a former distance running, soccer and field hockey playing water polo player, the post college years have not been kind to my body. Pregnancy, injury and the almost prodigious talent of lifting fork to face has taken its toll on my waistline. I am not a little person at all and this was very unfortunate and inconvenient in the midst of this situation. I tried to fit in between the two cars to get the boy in his seat. I could get between, but the door open at its widest was not open enough even for the boy. Because he is part monkey, he contorted and wriggled his body in such a way to get in the car. I slithered up to my door, opened and thought about trying to get in. Nope. Then I walked in front of the car to the other side and thought about my options for the passenger side. I was struck with fear when I realized that G's classroom was right behind my parking space. I walked again to the driver's side, considering my options and thought better of it. Back to the passenger side I walked. Racing through multiple scenarios in my head, my blood chilled when I thought of G and her friends looking out the classroom window to make science observations, only to find her mother sandwiched in between two cars. Or they see her mother's ample rump crawling through the passenger side door. I really just wanted to go home and after noticing her class on the playground, I made a break for it and crawled into the passenger seat. After classily shutting the door on my foot, I secured it and crawled over the console, barely kneeing the rear view mirror and finally coming to an awkward rest in the driver's seat. The boy watched with rapt attention, knowing better than to ask what I was doing. All I have to say is, if our school has security cameras in the parking lot, someone will get a heck of a show.

Take this as a cautionary tale, my friends. If you pull between two parallel diagonal lines, look and make sure you have left enough room for the driver next door to get in their door. Other wise you may find a mom wedged in between the two cars and a bewildered boy in the backseat. Hmmmm...awkward.
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