No More Secrets

Let me start this post by saying I have never, nor will ever, be ashamed of my children and the differences they may have. I embrace those differences and will wear them on a tshirt if need be. My love for my children is deep and fierce and will never change.

For several years now, we have been having concerns about our sweet G when it comes to school. Our friend and her summer teacher has suspected for a long time that she is not living up to her potential. She seemed to be stuck in a torturous limbo that we couldn't get her out of easily. The kid is sharp as a whip. She can put a huge Lego set together without asking for help a single time. She can hear a song or book on tape once, maybe twice, and know it almost verbatim. But have her read and she can do one of two things for you: (1)Read it fairly fluently and make it sound like she is an excellent reader...but have no concept of what she read OR (2)Read it in a halting manner, sometimes skipping or replacing words, but she knows exactly what she read and what it means. But don't expect both. I am not going to go into the specifics of what all has gone into this many year search for help and how it is a shame that it has taken so long and so much personal cash to make it happen, but we have spent a lot of our personal finances on testing and tutoring in order to assure that she maintains at least some confidence in her abilities to succeed in an academic setting. She has been officially diagnosed by a psychologist as dyslexic. The sad fact is that she is one of those fall through the cracks kids: her smarts and her deficits are not at enough of a discrepancy by the state's standards to give her any help. At all. A sad fact and one that is infuriating as a parent. She did not take her diagnosis well. I think she was relieved that she wasn't completely crazy, but she immediately went to a place of shame and embarrassment not wanting anyone to know. The hub and I were relieved to know that our suspicions were correct, but we told no one...or very few people. G made it very clear. But as time marches on and new school requirements in each grade bring with them new frustrations and spotlights on her disability, we have realized that we do her no favors by keeping it a secret. Like I said earlier, we are not ashamed. I almost cried with relief when we received the diagnosis. While I don't want her to be ashamed of it, I also don't want her to use it as a crutch. It is not an excuse to do a mediocre job at things. We will not allow that in any way, shape or form. But then there are nights like tonight that break my heart into a million pieces. G "tried out" tonight for a soccer club, one that will develop her skills and give her new ones in her arsenal. She has shown a lot of promise as a goalkeeper and all-around athlete. During drills, the Sudanese born coach with a fairly significant accent, kept yelling commands at her to "go left/right" and "kick with your left/right" and things like that. Because she has the brain she does, it takes a minute to store that info, process it, compute it and act on it. In soccer that is a killer. Split second decisions need to be made all the time. She became increasingly frustrated when she got grumped at by coaches or other players for going or kicking the wrong way. She wanted never to come back. As a mother, I wanted to shelter her and scoop her up and make it stop, but I couldn't. B talked to the two coaches, explained that she knew multiple terms regarding play and position, but could not process directions the way they were presented. They both were relieved to find out about the dyslexia because it explained why she wasn't doing things of wich they knew she was able. Here is why, I explained to her, you don't need to keep it a secret. Because though it seems like a horrible curse to her right now, it truly is a gift. She has a brain wired like no one else's. She has the ability to do things that people with normal brains can't. I just hope that with age and maturity come a pride in her disability and the knowledge that she is smart and capable in ways that others are not...in ways that her sister and brother, who garner all the grades and praise in academic situations, can never get. She'll get there someday.

As a mother of a child with a learning disability, let me just say one thing more. Comparison kills spirits. Do not compare one child to their siblings, especially if those siblings have more success with the printed word that they do. God made us all different for a reason and no child should have to live up to someone they aren't and were never meant to be. Praise them for their gifts, their individuality and their beauty. They deserve that much. I will make a G tshiirt and wear it proudly. I will wear silver ribbons to make people aware of this disability and sign every petition and lobby for every bill that goes towards making more people aware. I am proud of my child's difference...and one day she will be too.


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