Tonight was the big night. We were planning to make our annual trek to the crazy mall and see Santa, the Jolly Old Elf, the Man in Red, St. Nick, well, you get the picture. The kids were officially done with actual work and knew that tomorrow's school school meant only pajamas, Christmas movies and food, so they were AMPED UP. Earlier in the day, I set up a Santa Kids' Workshop in the playroom and sent them there to wrap their presents while I prepared a healthy dinner of pizza braid, cucumber slices and yogurt. Don't judge...it's the most unhealthy eating tiiimmmeeee of the year. My oldest came in wanting to discuss a certain troublemaker boy and get my opinions on things and needed some terms explained(great). After inhaling their food, they changed into their Santa Clause visiting best and awaited the arrival of their dad from work and their Aunt Deb from work as well. Uncle Mike had a prior engagement, so he was not coming with us this time. Brian and Deb ate quickly and then we all piled into the Odyssey to go to the mall. A holiday station was playing on XM radio, the heated seats felt lovely, the mood was festive. And then the oldest asked if she could tell her Aunt Deb the story she had told me about the troublemaker boy at school. "Okay, but you need to prepare yourself to use code for some of the terms or you'll have to explain what they mean." After agreeing, she began to tell her aunt of the boy in her class who likes to call her several different colorful names, some of which she has no clue as to how insulting they are. Apparently today he decided to empty the candy wrappers out of his pockets when their teacher saw something suspicious. He asked the boy what it was. Well, holy inappropriate pocket contents for a middle schooler, Batman, it was a condom. The math teacher expressed his anger, dealt with the boy and threw it away. At this point, my two youngest ask(you already know what it is), "What is a condom?". I heard the hub groan from the driver's seat. "Are you prepared to explain now?' I asked. G wanted to know, so I tried to explain in code, referring to our "Where do babies come from?" discussion. I explained it was used so the babies wouldn't be made. She and her brother continued to ask questions and tried to vainly understand what it was and why someone would have it at school. The hub is still groaning in the driver's seat, mumbling under his breath, "This is going to go bad soon. Soon." Aunt Deb and I were trying vainly to divert the talk from birth control to Santa when my oldest decided to take over and do the explaining. Talk about the blind leading the blind. "G and F? Okay, so a condom, well, it is really just kind of a toy for adults." After a collective gasp from the adults, the hub said, "Subject change! Are you all watching "The Grinch" tomorrow?". The boy, who never misses a beat, said, "Toys for adults? Like Legos?". Talk about being saved by the jingle bell, mercifully, the parking space was located quickly and talk quickly went to Santa. Although we were prepared for horrible lines, there were only a couple families in front of us. The boy was all business and the girls were very polite. We got a few good shots:
After we saw Santa, we went to see the Johnson Family Christmas light show:
They are always entertaining and we even saw my cousin B and his family in the cul de sac watching the show. Small world.
All the children are now in bed, but hopefully not with visions of discussions in the van floating in their heads. Good grief.
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