Friday, February 5, 2016

Is there such a thing as "Baker's Back"?

So. There's tennis elbow and runner's cough and jumper's knee and even skiier's thumb. What I want to know is this: is there such a thing as Baker's Back? Or Baker's Bottom? Jeepers. After mixing all this blasted dough up, rolling the balls of dough in sugar and smashing them, I thought last night was bad enough. Today's adventure of baking over 30 dozen cookies has me thinking that Baker's Back might need to be a thing. I love to work in the kitchen, especially the church's commercial kitchen, but those floors are unforgiving. Wah wah wah. Get in shape, Jenny, and quit whining about making little pink and purple cookies. After hearing all those nicknames, I decided there needed to be others created for other situations that didn't necessarily involve sports or, cough cough, baking(I hang my head in shame). Here we go:

1. Clorox/Lysol finger: While I am really trying to rid my home of as many chemicals, I fully admit that when a stomach virus comes through our house, I am spraying the Clorox Clean Up and Lysol anywhere I must like the blasted mosquito spraying truck in the dead of summer. Sometimes it gets to the point that I can't feel my finger...but if it saves me from having another person wake us up at 1:30am with a "I threw up!!!"...I'll take one for the team.

2. Teenager Eye: At those times, thankfully not that many in this house, when the horrible adults do something so ridiculous that a major eye roll is necessary...resulting in eye strain and a head ache. Warning: Could result in the "you keep doing it and they'll get stuck that way" or "do that again and see what happens" threats being spoken.

3. "Spoons" Palm: The injury resulting from smacking your opponent's hand so hard trying to grab a spoon when they get four of a kind. Also results from smacking the playing surface in a fit of rage from not grabbing a spoon in time.

4. Diorama 'Do: This is not so much an injury as it is an appearance marring condition. Well, unless you pull the actual hair out. This condition happens when an offspring brings a worksheet to you that outlines a school project(diorama, solar system out of papier-mâché, scale model of an African dam)which is due the next day. It often happens when looking at the clock to realize the craft supply store has closed for the evening and you run your hands through your hair 57 times trying to figure out how to make rare trees of the Amazon out of old celery in the veggie drawer and floral tape. The struggle is real, friends.

5. Lego Heel: The permanent indentation and excruciating pain that results from an incomplete Lego pickup that is only discovered during a middle of the night trip to the bathroom. No more explanation is needed. I have to believe there are support groups out there for this.

I may be baking some more cookies tomorrow, so I better go to bed now. Maybe I'll do a quick Lego sweep before I lay down.

Night all.

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