Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I never thought I'd cry over that

I cleaned my child's locker out today. Yes, I know she's not dead. I know the world hasn't ended. She's going to be alright. As her pre-K teacher told us in our last conference before Kindergarten, "That girl. She's small, but she's mighty."

I cleaned my child's locker out today. By the time school ends, she will have missed a month and a half of school. She has missed 75% of her Spring soccer season. Birthday parties, special events and get togethers have come and gone without her participation. A sixth grader should be enjoying al the fun the comes with Spring.

I cleaned my child's locker out today. We met with her teachers today, answered all of their questions about the hospital stay...about her test results and early and late predictions from the doctors. I got sick at my stomach thinking about the rythmic pushing noise of the IV, the sound of her wimpering at every new blood test and poke and prod to check her progress. We discussed her academic future. A nurse filled out paperwork she said would explain this period in time as she progressed through middle AND high school. My dear God, help me understand how this could effect her in high school. The hub feels fine with the homebound arrangement. I honestly can't tell you what it is.

I cleaned my child's locker out today. She gave us a note detailing the correct combination to her lock and an inventory of what items needed to go where. Pictures and notes she and her friends had exchanged. The pink locker set complete with magnets, shelf and a mirror. Papers and notebooks full of a year's worth of notes and ideas. A library book on musical instruments, filled with facts she wanted to learn about her chosen medium: percussion.

I cleaned my child's locker out today. No she's not going to die. No this is not the end. But what it is represents a disappointing year's end after so many hours of hard work. She absolutely loved 6th grade and wanted to go every day. She'll have no period set aside to have friends sign her yearbook. She won't have the energy to stand up and play her drum for the final band concert. All that hard work to end her school year in a weakened state with puffy organs and a body missing more pounds than she had to lose. What a letdown.

Yes, I cleaned my child's locker out today, but she's going to come back stronger than ever. That fire in her belly is slowly growing from weak embers into a warm glow. By the time August comes, it'll be a roaring inferno...well, it'll be healthy and involved. She'll be motivated and healthy and ready for a fresh start...and ready to fill that locker up again.




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