Saturday, September 14, 2013

Parenting an Extreme Couponer

Today was a typical soccer Saturday. Lovely day and very busy. S actually played in two games, the second being an extra person for a team of boys that was short some players. No nerves for mom there. Their team lost 7-5, but the girls controlled the game in the second half. Nice. We went our separate ways after the game, I to the grocery and the rest to get showered and relaxed. As usual, everybody in town had the same idea about the store, so that was a bit of a nightmare. They seemed to be moving lots of ribs and bread today. Not sure what that means. I got home and unloaded the groceries. The kids were all draped on pieces of furniture, hair wet from fresh washings and faces pink from the wind and sun. I looked out the window and saw our lawn that really looked like one step from having a "Condemned" sign in it and felt deep shame, so I changed clothes and mowed. Showered then, fixed dinner and picked up my remaining Picky Chick items with my friend A.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I've kind of had a ful and tiring day. Because as A and I were chatting in her driveway, I received a text from the hub stating that our oldest was chomping at the bit to capitalize on a sweet deal on mustard at Kroger. I bid her farwell and told her I would share the riches of our condiment bounty and left. S met me in the driveway with her coupon notebook, ready to go. We arrived at the store 5 minutes later. She made sure to fill me in on her strategy on the way. When we got there I said, "Listen. I have to go to the bathroom and I'm not going here. Get your mustard deal and your cereal deal and let's get gone. I'm running out of steam, kid." The mustard deal was not as wonderful as she thought, but we still got plenty. We spent a good 15 minutes in the cereal aisle figuring out the deals there. I really did not care if we got Vanilla Chex or Honey Nut Chex. Get the d&%^ boxes of cereal included in the deal and let's go. Apparently cereal deals were a gateway drug into shampoo deals...which led into laundry detergent deals. "S. I am so glad you are finding deals, but if we don't leave soon I am going to collapse in the floor and leave a mess. Please." "Okay, mom. I just need to look about this deal on Mentos-"..."WE DO NOT NEED MENTOS...I NEED A BATHROOM AND MY BED." We checked out and she did well, which I knew she would. Just was afraid I would have to buy some of the Central Bobcat pajama pants they sell over in the pharmacy area if we didn't get home soon. We loaded the car, I helped a man in a wheelchair load his car and we were off. I helped her organize her little stockpile, which is respectable for an 11 year old. I left the basement, ready to get a bath and my Saturday night ice cream when, "Mom. My Pantene conditioner is missing. My three bottles for the stockpile are missing." Missing deal panic psychosis was hitting her hard, so I tore up the car looking for it. Nada. So, here I go back down the hill for the blasted conditioner. It wasn't in the shopping cart. So, at 9:45 at night, I went back in and talked to an employee about my missing items. They were kind and let me go get three new bottles. Let's remember, friends, that I still had not been able to visit the little girl's room. Apparently that time of night is a popular time to get groceries. I saw several neighbors and waited in line for 10 minutes. Kroger was very nice to give me the $10 worth of conditioner again. Once again I arrived home with a bag full of treasures. Thank goodness, after the natural childbirth of three children, my bladder held fast. I got my bath and my Saturday ice cream. All is well...until tomorrow's paper arrives with more coupons and deals. I'll load up on 5hr Energy next time...and visit the potty.


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