Is it safe?

Have you ever watched "Marathon Man"? If you haven't and are at all squeamish about going to the dentist, I would suggest you not. If you have, then you cannot help but remember the disturbing and terrifying scene where Laurence Olivier is trying to get information from Dustin Hoffman by committing horrible acts of dental violence:



Each time he would drill into his mouth, Olivier's character would say, "Is it safe?" and then drill...immediately following he would put clove oil on his tooth to soothe the pain for a bit. Why can't more pharmacies take a note from this movie? Have they not learned from this movie that former Nazi sadists may be among us, ready to commit heinous dental acts and we need herbal pain killers? For shame, for shame. I have a crown. We do not get along. I did not want it in my mouth to begin with, but had no choice. My tooth had a small crack in it 16 years ago, which was quickly shaved off and dismissed as nothing. Four hours after the novocaine wore off, I experienced 72 hours of pain that made a middle school oral surgery to cut out 7 teeth seem like a pin prick. Who woulda thunk it? Not me, but when I finally got back in that dentist's chair I had the throbbing pain of a thousand Mike Tyson punches in my jaw. This then led to a root canal, which I won't even discuss, which led to the aforementioned crown. When we moved to Tennessee, I went back to my old friend and wonderful dentist, Dr. Mark, to have a cleaning. While digging around in there, I had a weird feeling in that crown area. He got the "tooth sleuth", which is a piece of plastic harder than titanium and had me bite down on it. Well that crown just popped right off and he just cemented it back on just as happy as can be. Fast forward to now. Thirteen years after having it glued back on, it is giving me trouble...in addition to another cracked tooth on the other side. I've got to stop eating pea gravel. Anyhoo, the crown tooth area is about at the pain level of half a Tyson punch to the jaw, which is still significant. So after oragel and Anbesol did nothing, I decided to go the "Marathon Man" route and get some clove oil. Having pharmacists in the family, I know they keep that stuff behind the counter. Not really sure why, but I gues you have to watch out for people who make a lot of stained glass candy. They're sketchy. When I asked the girl for it, I received the look someone with five eyes would get when they asked for a bottle of "Essence of Lizard Burps" at the counter. I was told they could get me some by Thursday, which wasn't very helpful. "I really need some to get me through until I see the dentist tomorrow. I guess I'll just load up on motrin." "Are you making potpourri or something?", she saked. Oh dear...at least the pharmacist rolled her eyes at that comment.

This month, TCM is doing thirty days of Oscar winning movies. Pharmacists? Check the schedule, find this movie and educate your employees. Ensure them that it is rare to find Nazis disguised as innocent old men dentists in our country anymore. After that, have them watch "Days of Wine and Roses" to educate them on the horrors of excessive drinking. Watch and learn, friends. Watch and learn.
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