Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Heartbroken

I still can't say a whole lot right now without falling apart. I have been absent from the blog for a while. Saturday, February 11, my mother had been going through her day. Nothing out of the ordinary. They had gone to a funeral for an elderly neighbor. They returned home, changed clothes and started pulling out items for an early dinner. After a phone call, my mom told my dad that she wasn't feeling great and was going to lay down for a bit. My mom went from a perfectly healthy person to unconscious in a matter of hours. My brother and I raced to their town to find she had experienced a stroke which resulted in a brain bleed that was inoperable. The next day, the neurosurgeon gave us the devastating news that the catastrophic bleeding had damaged her brain stem beyond repair. She was gone. In our fog and despair, we worked with our state's organ donor service and filled out the necessary paperwork to donate any and all organs and tissue and blood vessels that could be used. It truly felt unreal...walking through a nightmare from which we could not escape. It still feels that way. My brother and I stayed with Dad last week while the hub and the kids went back home. We have been surrounded and embraced by many friends and family. We had a beautiful celebration of life. I have lost my hero. Did we have our clashes? Yes, but what mother-daughter duo does not. She was the best person I have ever known. I still can't talk about her in the past tense. My brain cannot wrap itself around all of this. Probably never will. I'll say these few things and then be done for a bit.

1. Hug your loved ones. You never know when it is the last time.
2. Consider being an organ donor. For our family, it is one of the positive things in this nightmare that is helping us through...the fact that our tragedy can give another family a second chance since Mom was so healthy.
3. The suddenness of this is devastating, but I am so glad she went quickly. The thought of my super active vibrant mom being disabled and dependent on others is one that she would have never been able to be at peace with. She slipped away peacefully next to my dad.

There are many other things, but I just can't do it right now. The two most difficult things I have ever done in my life I have done in the last week: kissed my mother goodbye for the last time and kissed my dad goodbye and left him alone in that big house of theirs.

I keep thinking we'll all wake up, but I know we are living a nightmare. It will get better. Day by day. WIth God's help, it will get better.

Night all.


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