Sudafeding it

In our fair state, as is always the case, a few people have to ruin things for everybody else. Since I have fallen prey to the "Pollen Vortex", I have been searching for the most effective elixir to restore me to my clear headed self. Medications and I have a weird relationship. I take the minimum dosage required and my body reacts like I have consumed half the bottle. Makes the medicine go far, that's for sure. Yesterday I felt my head filling up with goo- every nook and cranny occupied by evil pollen sludge. I took my Curious George meds once again, very much pleased with their results, except that I woke this morning to solidified sludge in my head and a voice that rivaled a mixture of Harvey Fierstein and Peter Brady when his voice changed. The children had a field day with my new sound, asking me to say different words or sing different songs only to collapse in hysterics at the results. Admitting defeat, I made a painful purchase this morning. Mucinex-D...Mucinex with Sudafed in it. In our state, you have to do everything short of a full body cavity search to purchase the stuff. "Ma'am? You just need to give me your license...and check yes to agree...and sign the line...and let me see your license again to scan it." Me, smiling: "Do you need a urine sample too?". She sent a smirk to show she was not amused. Too many dingy houses and run down mobile homes that double as meth labs ruining it for the rest of us. I took the recommended dosage and began my day. A couple of hours at the office felt like I was walking through a bottle of hair gel...gloopy and slow. Why people need to cook it into something else is beyond me. I barely made it through the day in a coherent manner. Now that it is wearing off, I can feel my head slowly filling up again. I think I may have to wear a mask to mow the lawn tomorrow. Mucinex-D won't cut it. The automatic nose sucker at the hospital will be in my future. Let's hope it moves out over night, otherwise you will see me mowing the lawn in an expressionless fog tomorrow. Bring a lawn chair and some popcorn. It might be entertaining.


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