Do you hear what I say? Uh, not really....

I have a problem. I'll admit it. My hearing has never been as good as that of others. While it has never been investigated as to why this is true, I'd imagine that the hours of blasting The Who full blast through my fake Walkman earphones whilst mowing the lawn contributed to the problem. I had to go for a physical for a job when the hub and I were first married. During the hearing test, I was told that I had a 15% hearing loss in my left ear. It was announced to me with the same emphasis that one would use when asking a tablemate to "pass the salt"....mentioned and never fleshed out. That was at least 15 years ago. I've always had issues with sorting out conversations in a social setting, you know, with lots of people talking at once. It is pure torture. Go ahead, add a few more punches to my freak card. I will do it for you:



If any of these need explaining, I will be happy to do so over coffee and a breakfast sandwich at Panera or Starbucks.

Anyhoo, because of this hearing issue I have, I have heard some strange things from people. In these instances, I feel like I need the magic shop ear that Pee Wee puts on. You know the one:



What? WHAT?!?! Maybe it would help, but I seriously doubt it. Today was a prime example, but in my defense, a speech impediment does not help things. The boy and I were snuggled up in the living room watching G give a singing retrospective of Hannah Montana hits and he whispered in my defective ear, "Did you know secrets give you cancer?. I sat there semi stunned, unable to speak from fear of being rude during the concert, trying to process what twisted kid on the playground disseminated this gem of inaccurate knowledge to my kid. After "G Montana" finished her rendition of "Ordinary Girl", I asked the boy, "What did you say again? Secrets cause cancer?". He looked at me like I had an arm growing out of my head...kind of like this:



He said, "Uh, no mom. Cigarettes cause cancer! You are so silly. Secrets can be rude sometimes, though."

Now the disclaimer, I am in no way making fun of hearing issues. My grandmother suffered for years with hearing issues as do several close relatives and friends of mine. My hearing issue is real and one that has always been frustrating to me. We don't go out very often and when we do, I have a horrible time catching any of the conversation. I getting tired of asking people to repeat themselves. So we stay home. I feel a bit less freakish that way. So if I repeat back pure gibberish to you with a puzzled look on my face, don't smell my breath and ask me to walk a straight line. Just know that I can't understand what you are saying, but I sure am trying.
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